Tag Archives: cooking

Sunday Crafternoons: Make Your Own Salt Dough Sculpture

11 Nov

Making salt dough is really really easy you guys! It’s not just for Kirstie Allsopp. You can use it to make Christmas ornaments, pretty roses, buttons, jewellery, and to create cute hand-prints of the infants in your life. Baskets seem popular too.

But those ideas are totally boring! Why not bust out the seasonal cookie cutters and make some awesome skull and snowflake decorations for your grandma? Or spell out your favourite swear word? Or, with a little bit of paint and glitter, you can make your own internet meme like me!

♫ nyan nyan nyan-nyan nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan ♫

Ingredients.

  • A cup of salt
  • A cup of flour
  • A cup of warm water
  • Paint, glitter etc. for decorating [optional]
  • Varnish [optional]

Method.

1. Mix the dry ingredients. (This isn’t that hard you guys. There are two.)

2. Gradually stir in the water until it forms a doughy consistency.

3. Knead your dough for a few minutes. At this point your dough should look like dough, and you’re ready to make some awesome stuff!

4. Cook your dough. I put mine in the oven at 180° until they dried out, but apparently you can blast them in the microwave for a couple of minutes and that works too.

5. You’re freaking done!

Can you guess what my favourite word is?

I told you it was easy. Now you can decorate them, varnish them, or, if you don’t like how they turned out, eat them!

Advertisements

Hey You. Eat This Red Velvet Twat Cake

24 Aug

Everyone is always saying to me, “Baking is so hard. You have to be so precise. Your hair is amazing.” But I disagree. Putting the confused politics of cupcake-feminism aside, baking is a fucking piece of cake.

Cake is like sex. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. You shouldn’t be afraid to mess up, you’re just basically mixing some eggs and flour together until they resemble something remotely delicious.

This recipe for red velvet cake is testament to the idea that you can tamper with the rules however you like. The original called for buttermilk and baking soda and a bunch of other crap I didn’t want to walk to the store to buy, so I tweaked it and it still came out like a beautiful red cheeseburger. Just look at it.

Ingredients.

  • 3 eggs
  • 3/4 cup butter
  • 3 cups self-raising flour
  • 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 1 tsp. vanilla
  • 2 tbsp red food dye
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/2 tsp. vinegar

Method.

  1. Preheat your oven to 180 degrees. Grease two cake tins.
  2. Combine the flour, cocoa powder and salt in one bowl. In another bowl, mix the butter (you might need to leave it out to soften first), sugar and vanilla until they are combined. Add the eggs one at a time, then mix in the food colouring.
  3. Add part flour, part milk bit by bit and mix until it’s all used up. Add the vinegar (I don’t know what this is for either).
  4. Put the mixture into your two cake tins. Bake for twenty-five minutes. Cool.
  5. Ice however you like. Mine looked like this:
Let them eat twat.