The Return of the King

10 Mar
7211744496_a94cd43bf1_z

Artist’s representation of a bunch of dudes reading my blog

Hello hi I’m thinking about bringing Gliterature back this year. I was going to do it anyway but this week the intimidatingly cool Lil Nonbinary Fashion linked to me and I’m panicking that I haven’t put up any new content since before I was born.

This is what I’ve learned from the search terms bringing y’all here to the site during my absence:

  • I should probably stop using the word ‘porn’ or ‘sex’ in blog titles
  • A lot of you really want me to do a review of Teresa Crane’s ‘Green and Pleasant Land‘ for some reason
  • People searching for “fathers in literature” and “why vampires suck now” still end up here, so those topics are timeless and I should do more of them
  • The most traffic comes in from my posts about Lime Crime makeup and Lolita feminism which are…. not book-related. So less of that in future
  • Folk are still searching for “solipsistic socialite” and as far as I know I’m the only person online to use that moniker & I am touched
  • Fair amount of Googlers can related to the Calvin & Hobbes quote “being a parent means wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time” make of that what you will
  • More of you are thirsty for Jedward than you will admit
  • Many of you were lost. Go in peace

I’m gonna think of some topics, perhaps, and post them, maybe. I do have plenty of drafts but they don’t seem appropriate. One is a bunch of 100-word reviews for the 100 books I read in 2014 – that was a while ago. One is a recipe for Hundred Acre Woods Honey Biscuits but I am vegan now. A lot are half-written book reviews for books that are no longer Fresh & New. I also wrote up an introduction to The Book Fairies, thought about it, and decided Book Crossing is still way better. I’ll think of something.

Speak to you later I love you byeeee x

Advertisements

Lit Lyrics: Oh, Mr. Darcy – The Doubleclicks

20 Mar

Book Riot covered this song last year but I feel the need to bring it to all y’all’s attention because these bespectacled ladies from Portland have dedicated this song Mr Darcy and Colin Firth, the hunkiest reincarnation of the character that history has so far witnessed. And as we all know, Mr Darcy is the hunkiest dreamboat in all of literature to begin with.

Here it is:

This song remains really lovely and sarcastic at the same time. I can relate to lovely and sarcastic at the same time. The original video is worth a watch too. In fact, like me, you might want to spend the evening going through their YouTube backlog of love songs to internet trolls and D&D players, and cello covers of the Trogdor the Burninator theme song.

Happy Friday night!

Mike Stilkey Paints on Books

19 Mar

Screen Shot 2015-03-19 at 11.15.46

Much like artist Ekaterina Panikanova, whose work Gliterature has covered before, Mike Stilkey makes sculptures and installations from salvaged books that he paints to depict humans and animals to startling result. Continue reading

Lit Lyrics: Dragons – Princess Nokia

12 Dec

MY MOON, MY LIFE
MY STARS, MY SUN
You are the sweetest song
My king at night
I wanna look you in the eye
My moon, my moon, my sun

Is there anything better than this song? Probably not, I’ll bet. For one, it was inspired by Drogo and Daenerys from ‘Game of Thrones’. For two, the video has the band Kittie in it for some reason, and takes place in an arcade. WIN WIN!

These Black Pepper Cookies Are Not to be Sneezed At

29 Oct

Hello boys and ghouls! Today I will be teaching you how to make black pepper cookies. They are perfect for Halloween because they sound terrifying.

Ingredients.

  • ¾ cup butter
  • ¾ teaspoon black pepper
  • ¾ teaspoon cinnamon
  • ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1 ½ teaspoons vanilla essence
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 ½ cups self-raising flour
  • ¼ teaspoon salt-dough
  • 3/4 cup cocoa

Method.

1. Preheat your oven to 200 degrees and grease a baking sheet.

2. Mix the butter, pepper, cinnamon, cloves and vanilla essence together until soft.

3. Mix in the sugar until light and fluffy, then add the egg (beaten) and mix well.

4. Add the dry ingredients and blend thoroughly until a firm dough is formed.

5. Flour a rolling pin (if you don’t have one a bottle of wine will do) and roll out the dough.

6. Use a floured cookie cutter or glass to CUT SOME SHAPES ON THE D-FLOOR! Except not on the dance floor, probably on your kitchen surfaces and don’t dance actually because you’ll mess up the shapes.

7. Put them on the baking sheet and bake for around 12 minutes.

These spicy cookies are hella rad so if you don’t like them you probably did something wrong.

Review: ‘Fortunately, the Milk…’ by Neil Gaiman

28 Oct

milk

Rating: ★★★★★

Earlier this month I was privileged enough to attend an exclusive Waterstones bookseller event. This is one of those nice little perks that I just didn’t know came with the job — but I’m glad it did!

The event was an audience with the lovely Neil Gaiman, author of masterpieces ‘Coraline‘, ‘Stardust‘ and ‘American Gods‘, among others. He read from his latest book, ‘Fortunately, the Milk…‘, talked a bit about its conception and the surprising way it mirrors his previous book, ‘The Ocean at the End of the Lane‘.

Apparently, the main reason that Gaiman wrote ‘Fortunately, the Milk…’ was because he thought that there generally weren’t enough dads in books for kids.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT6RpDl9bXc] Continue reading

Review: ‘Apocalypse Now Now’ by Charlie Human

27 Oct

now

Rating: ★★★★☆

Set in Cape Town, ‘Apocalypse Now Now’ follows the story of sixteen-year-old Baxter Zevcenko, the enterprising kingpin of pornography-peddling schoolyard business The Spider. When his girlfriend Esme goes missing he discovers a secret supernatural underworld and, with the help of a grizzly bounty hunter sidekick, must try to avoid gang wars, his meddling younger brother, being devoured by giant crows – and an apocalypse or two.

The title comes from a common South Africanism relating to the amount of time to elapse before an event occurs. In the near future; not happening presently but to happen shortly. Continue reading

Learning How to Decipher Elvish Does Not Actually Take an Entishly Long Time!

17 Oct

Picture courtesy of superstevied.

Gi suilon! Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn.

Did you know that the languages were the first thing that Tolkien created for his mythical universe? According to the author, his stories grew out of his languages as he creates races to speak the tongues he had constructed. Quenya (high-elven) was the first, and most complete, of these languages, the other being Sindarin (grey-elven).

Elvish is strongly influenced by Finnish and Welsh, but is surprisingly easy to learn how to use! It also looks particularly nice in a gift card with a dozen freshly baked loaves of Lembas Bread.

Using the examples of ‘Robert’ and ‘Lynne’, Star Chamber gives us a step-by-step instruction on learning the language of elves — and writing with it — in under ten minutes. They also provide a handy alphabet key  if, like me, you want to cheat your way through this linguistics course. Continue reading

Abandonment Issues

15 Oct
My Eldest Daughter, Suzanne with Milk and Book by Carl Larsson, 1904.

My Eldest Daughter, Suzanne with Milk and Book by Carl Larsson, 1904.

What are your thoughts on leaving a novel unfinished? Some of you, I’m sure, will persevere through the most plot-holed purple prose imaginable. Others will have hard and fast rules — preferring to stop after the first page, or abandoning a book on the third chapter if they’re not really feeling it.

Apparently the rule for what page to abandon a book is 100 minus your age. For me, this means calling it quits on page 77. But I feel like the reasoning behind this rule is a bit morbid. Does it mean that as you get older, your days are numbered and you have less time to waste on bad books?!

The Copybot has a little tip for knowing when to call it quits:

You probably didn’t know this, but there’s an instinct to abandoning a book. Sort of like foraging for food. Except you are foraging for information. You are following a scent. An information scent.

And if while reading a book you lose that scent, you should stop and move onto something else.

Goodreads has a great infographic on the psychology of abandonment and it’s pretty interesting reading.

Screen Shot 2013-10-12 at 20.15.11

What is it about a book that makes you put it down? These readers give reasons like “slow, boring”, “weak writing” and “when an author is committed to doing something I hate”. All valid points. However, I would never quit reading a book because I thought it was “immoral”, or “I didn’t like the main character”! ‘Lolita’, anyone?

Screen Shot 2013-10-12 at 20.04.56

I’m actually guilty of abandoning 3/5 of the most begun-but-not-finished classics… and that’s only because I returned to ‘Lord of the Rings’ after the movies came out. However, there’s still time for me to go back and finish the rest!

I have read some truly awful books in my life. And I have started some truly amazing ones, never to finish them.

Sometimes, driven by the thrill of the conquest, I’ll feel like I’ve invested too much time to give up. And what if I miss something important?! There are potentially life-changing words in every abandoned book. Other times, I’ll just lose interest and put the book aside.

There isn’t really a consensus for what makes me read on to the final page!

What about you?

Books Are My Bag

13 Oct

Books Are My Bag is a UK campaign to celebrate bookshops. For many people, bookshops conjure fond images of book readings, in-store cafes and delight at the discovery of a new author. In fact, 56% of all book buying decisions are made by bookshop customers, and high street bookshops (both chains and independents) still account for almost 40% of books bought by consumers! Yet, many high street bookshops are under threat, especially from online retailers.

I suppose these bags are good reminders to people to buy more books. After all – orange is the most impulsive colour! However, there are certainly more stylish solutions out there if you want to show off your inner bookworm.

Continue reading